Should I transition?
While others may disagree, in my personal opinion and experience, there is a difference between "identifying as transgender" and "deciding to transition."
In "The Button Test" we learn a lot about what our preferred gender would be - if all the roadblocks to becoming that gender were totally removed. That's not the way the real world works, though.
You may have already decided you never want to transition. You may be afraid that you're never going to meet your transition goals. You may be worried about how you'll 'turn out.' These are all emotions and choices that I've had to deal with. It took me a long time to decide to transition, in fact.
Transitioning is hard.
There's no magic wand or secret medicine or genie wish that is going to change your gender. It's a process - a lengthy one, in fact.
In my mind, it's like trying to hike up a mountain. When you're at the base, all you can see is a sheer rock face. There's a trail, but it isn't easy to see. Parts of it look quite rough. The summit is invisible from this elevation. There's no telling what you'll find even part of the way up.
It can be tempting to just say "no, here is fine, I don't need to climb this mountain." And for a lot of people, that's totally understandable. I wouldn't suggest transition to anyone unless they feel confident that they can handle it, and that it is what they truly want.
There's no rush to making this decision, so take your time. You might feel pressure from peers, or from trans communities, or even feel like if you don't do it early in life, your transition is going to go worse. Don't let that anxiety control you and make you take a step you're not ready for.
There are a lot of points along the journey where you might say "no, I don't want to continue," or "no, I want to turn back and head the way I came." That's okay, too! There are some changes that occur due to HRT that are harder to reverse than others, but you can take this at your own pace.
Bad News: Your transition is probably not going to go like you want.
What are your transition goals? Some people want to 'pass' as their chosen gender, some want to be rid of aspects of their current gender, and some have a particular look in mind. Establishing reasonable, achievable goals is an important part of the process.
I have talked to a lot of people who set impossible transition goals. This can be actively harmful, since if you view your transition goals as impossible, then you are stuck with your dysphoria forever.
You're not going to be a cute anime character. You're not going to develop a shapeshifting superpower. You (probably) won't look like a model, or someone famous, or get the kind of looks that earn millions of followers on social media.
You're going to be you, but slightly different. Genetics plays a huge part, so chances are good you're going to look a lot like your parents do.
Your access to medical care is also a factor - the more easily you can get doctor visits, medication, surgery, etc, the more likely your outcome will be to your liking.
Good News: Your transition is not going to go as badly as you think!
Just because you can't mold your body to fit your ideal shape doesn't mean that things are hopeless.
Another common thing I've experienced and heard from many transgender people is that they have certain features that they think are deal breakers - unchangeable attributes that are permanently "wrong." Based on these, we convince ourselves that there's no way we could ever be seen as our preferred gender.
The thing is, people come in all shapes and sizes. For instance, if you're a tall boy, you're not going to pop a few pills and become a short girl. But tall girls exist, and are very pretty!
As I move through my transition, I realize that there are a lot of things about my body that I thought I'd have to change that... don't bother me anymore. As my confidence in my appearance grows, the "flaws" fade into the background.
I'm heading in an upward spiral, where each little change makes me a little happier, and allows me to accept myself more.
Bad News: The euphoria of the beginning won't last.
Deciding to transition and starting HRT can be a euphoric experience. For me, finally embracing my desire to be more femme and taking steps in that direction shot my mood through the stratosphere...
... for a few weeks. Then life happened. Time passes, and progress on my transition comes in fits and starts. There are a bunch of things I'm working on that will take years to get to the right state.
There are going to be times when people treat you poorly. You're going to have to absorb a lot of negativity from time to time.
I had a lot of energy when I started hiking up this mountain. But that burst of energy runs out long before the summit. I have to pace myself as best I can along the way.
Good News: There will be new sources of happiness!
Looking in the mirror and seeing the changes that have already happened bring me little hits of excitement and contentment. Yes, it's a long process. But even the small things start to add up quickly.
I don't look in the mirror and cringe or frown anymore. I can see the person I'm becoming, and I like her. The little changes in my body are things I notice all day long, and taking a moment to appreciate them keeps reminding me that I'm on the right trail.
Where will you go?
There's a secret here, and it's one that might take a while to sink in completely.
You don't have to fit into the mold of your birth gender - but that's just the start.
The next step is realizing that you're not leaving one "gender bucket" to replace it with the opposite one.
You are becoming you. You are free of the buckets and the boxes and the labels.
That you might end up weird isn't a risk. Your uniqueness is a strength.
The summit of this mountain - and the path you take up it - are up to you. You can stop when you want to, just to enjoy the view. You can declare victory whenever you want, or journey forever towards being the perfect 'you' that you can be.
Don't leave things behind that you want to keep. Don't listen to the haters and the stereotypes. Be you, because "you" is actually pretty freakin' awesome.